I FAIL

November 16th, 2020

I started to prepare myself for the biggest event of my life. I was conscious that on the November 23th I should have to talk to the CIO and the Head of Business of one of the biggest Bank in my country. Why? Because of my startup project.

Can you imagine how much pressure? 2 years of work, late nights, early mornings, sacrifices, pain, struggles, insults.

November 19th, 2020

I received a mail from one of the bank business team that during this 2 years never helped me. Most of the time they mocked me. The first thing one of them said when we meet was:

“Who the hell are you? A tech guy with an idea? Go back to your sit. You don’t know anything of business. “

Btw, they sent this email that basically questioned all of the data I collected for the business case. Guess what? In the past those data were approved by the same guys!

Ok, I took the responsibility of it and gave them the feedback they needed. All seemed ok – or at least I thought.

November 23th, 2020 – The day

Finally the day I worked for the last 2 years. Can you imagine how much it cost ? Build all the business cases, study all the use cases, design the user persona, study and interview people about this idea. Search for collaborators, for business sponsors. 2 years of my life.

8.53 – Meeting Canceled

Meeting was canceled with no reason. The only thing I got was

“The bank business team canceled the meeting.”

That’s it? No reasons? Nothing that I can use to understand and to work on to fix and move on?

I think this is the hardest punch I received in my entire life. I feel – no sorry – I felt so broken.

So, fucking broken. Have I lost the last 2 years? I lived for it, I was obsessed by my idea, I was consumed by it. And now I have nothing. No team, no more founds, no more business sponsor. Nothing.

I have nothing. So, what now ? I do something learnt lifting weights. Something call TRYING HARD.

Do you know what “trying hard” means?

Trying HARD is something in your mind that doesn’t stop, where you know 2 hours is not enough, where you’re obsessed with and then you say “Hey, this is my new norm”.

Listen, when I broke my spine and I was on a rehab I cannot squat. So I started to try with something simple: take 5 cent that was on the floor. I tried to take that coin for a long time. Every time my brain said “I can’t, it hurts” I answered “Ok, we’ve to try it again”.
Still nothing, so I tried again, again and again. Guess what happened? I took the coin performing a perfect free weight squat.

I realized if I keep going back and going back and going back until the s*** just becomes your mind will say

“Ok, we’re going to figure it out because he is not going to stop”.

November 27th, 2020

I came back again and I am not going to stop.

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